Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol

I saw MI4: Ghost Protocol yesterday w/ my family.  I was actually really pumped to watch this, but I have to say, theatres are now MILKING the time before the movie begins for all it’s worth.  I swear, they must have showed 30 minutes worth of commercials and trailers before the actual movie finally started.

Once the movie started though, it was actually good!  There were a few moments that were a bit cringe-worthy (by which I mean it was really cheesy), but I really enjoyed the characters and definitely the action sequences.  Even though Tom Cruise is kinda crazy, he gets props for doing all of his own stunts, I almost peed my pants in one of the scenes!

Definitely a lot of funny dialogue, gripping action and fighting, and some engaging backdrops were able to really overcome the few stupid moments in the movie.

Likes:

• Simon Pegg (effortlessly funny)
• amazing action
• cool gadgets
• some genuinely surprising twists
• unique and pretty backdrops
• a villain that isn't gimmicky
• a hot sidekick

Dislikes:

• Runtime of 133 minutes... started getting a bit long @ the end
• Cheesy attempts to give "life lessons"
• Some parts were a bit too ridiculous to be believable, even for me.

Final Grade: A-/B+ which means Go watch!

"China is a country... Chinese is the language"

Being a male teacher in an elementary school provides you with a certain specialness in the eyes of kids, mainly because there are so few male elementary teachers.  As an Asian male elementary school, I'm practically a celebrity.  My first couple weeks in the school I would walk down the hall and, I kid you not, every kid's head would turn and follow my steps.  It was pretty creepy until I got used to it.  This is probably what Ryan Reynolds has to deal with all the time.  =P

Anyways, As an icebreaker with my students, I offered to teach my class Chinese as an incentive to learn my procedures.  It was really surprising how enthusiastic they were to learn.  I started with the basic number system.  They learned how to write the numbers 1-10 and how to say it aloud too.  All those studies that show how young children can pick up languages quickly are dead on true.  After 3 days, almost 80% of the kids knew how to read any Chinese number from 1-100!!! I was so blown away.  For fun we would do simple math problems in Chinese and they would compete to see which team could solve it the fastest.  haha

I guess news had spread to their siblings cuz in the hallway one day, this 2nd grade boy came up to me as I was passing by and we had this approximate conversation.

boy: Mr. Lee!  Can you teach me how to talk China?
me: Hey buddy, sure I can teach you how to speak Chinese.  China is a country.
boy:  Cool!  How do you say "hello" in China?
me: Well, first, let's get it straightened out that China is the country that speaks the language Chinese.  Right?
boy: Yeah!  So how do you say "hello"?
me: Alright, it's very easy.  It's knee like your knee *points to knee*, and how like how are you doing?  Put them together and it is knee how.
boy:  Cooooool!  Knee how Mr. Lee!  I can speak China!
me: *mentally slaps forehead but nods and smiles*

Bringing back the Fairy Tales

It seems like this is the year of fairy tale re-imaginings.  There's that TV show "Once Upon a Time" which is actually pretty good, the craptastic looking "Mirror, Mirror", and the movie "Snow White and the Huntsman" that caught my eye. 

Some initial thoughts on the 2 Snow White trailers:

"Mirror, Mirror"
- beginning music made me think it was going to be an Indian musical
- their choice for Snow White, while sticking close to the childhood description, did not make me want to go watch the movie.
- Julia Roberts has an accent worse than mine
- it is meant to be a action/ comedy... but the jokes seem to be mostly puns and lame pop culture references... no thanks
- the set and costumes seem blah.  nothing special and very stereotypical fairytale.
- I can see this appealing to people over 40.

"Snow White and the Huntsman"
- if you want to grab the viewer's attention, get some new, epic music.  this did it.
- queen's accent sounded tightttttt.  evil, but not over the top.  I would probably be scared if I met a person who talked like that in real life.
- film looks real and gritty from the opening scenery pan and battle.
- it's cool to see a movie that seems to put the focus on the character development of the queen instead of Snow White.
- Charlize Theron seems to be an awesome choice based on the trailer.
- graphics are so cool!
- Ugh.  Kristen Stewart.  A possible reason why this movie might fail.  Pretty face.  that's it.
- Thor's accent might be the only reason I give him a chance.  Haven't seen Thor, but doubtful about Chris Hemsworth's acting ability.
- Based on a cool villain, awesome looking setting and cool story concept (never heard of the story of the Huntsman before), I would definitely watch this.

Work? gooood (pt 1)

Wow I realize that I haven't let you guys know how things have been since getting hired as a 4th grade teacher @ Creedmoor Elementary.  Quite simply, it's been amazing. 

I really thank God for being totally in control.  I was sad at being laid off last year (my first time ever) after surviving my first year teaching, but I think He knew what was happening there and wanted something else for me.  At this school, two of my co-workers from Camino Real Elementary actually called and texted me to apply for the opening the day it opened up.  It was really humbling and such an encouragement that so many people were looking out for me. 

The reason they opened up a teaching position so late was because they had an overwhelming flood of 4th graders enroll, and I ended up getting a group of kids from each of the 5 other teachers (yes, a total of six 4th grade teachers!).  I kinda felt bad for the bilingual teachers, cuz I ended up poaching some of their smarter kids, but hey, I wasn't in charge of it!  =p

My biggest fear in starting in the middle of the year was knowing where all the kids were at academically, and trust me, it was freakin crazy trying to figure that stuff out.  Add on top of that trying to get to know kids and have them trust me after they've already bonded w/ their old teacher.  I had 2 girls tell me that I was their first male teacher and they wanted to go back to their old teacher.  haha! 

2nd grade kids singing Feliz Navidad for our class

Despite those misgivings and trying to get used to a new school culture/ new grade level/ get my class set up as quickly as possible, it was really cool because of all the support and love I received from other teachers in the school.  There's this special camaraderie among those in the teaching profession, I think experiencing the same intense stress and weight, you naturally pull for your fellow teachers and there was a steady flow of people visiting and offering help.

All in all, the feel of the school just felt a lot more free and inviting to me.  Maybe it was a bit of self confidence because I knew a basic flow of how a year goes, but I felt very hopeful.

Fear

I'm afraid of a lot of things.

picture from http://crossedfingers.wordpress.com/tag/department-of-health/

As a kid and even to this day, I have a strong dislike for vampires.  I try to make light of it by joking about it, but my first memory was seeing parts of Bram Stoker's Dracula and I had never been so creeped out or horrified at anything in my entire life.  In my head I couldn't get past the idea that this monster could transform into any animal and then hypnotize the victim.  With every other famous monster they had weaknesses, but other than (seemingly) weak protective devices like garlic and crosses, vampires were freakin impossible to stop.  In one of my recurring childhood nightmares, I was trapped in my house with a bunch of friends as we tried to hold off an assault by a horde of vampires.  Inevitably each of my friends would get picked off one at a time, many times with them being lured in by the hypnotizing power of the vampires.  (bastards!)  My only hope was always to try and survive until daybreak where the vampires would be forced to retreat.  Alas, every dream always came down to my newly-turned friends chasing me down as I'm running in slow motion until at the last second I would be knocked down. I would wake up a split second before becoming devoured.

More than the dream itself, the scariest moments would be the time immediately after I woke up.  In that half-sleep-half- awake haziness, my body would be frozen in terror.  My body would be sweating, muscles tense, eyes wide and darting around the room looking for irregularities.  I would sometimes lay still, trying to convince myself vampires didn't exist but pretending I was dead in case one was in my room.  Hundreds of thoughts would race through my brain as I tried to convince myself that it was only a dream and I had to get past that fear and try to go back to sleep.  Try as I might, it would usually be a long time before I could find the courage (or be too tired) and drift off into sleep.

As as adult, I have learned to deal with many of those "irrational" fears, but other equally pervasive fears still find ways to come into my life.  Fear of failure, fear of rejection, etc etc... I could list all the big fears that many of us face, but my purpose isn't in venting or airing these things out.  Something I have recently realized is that for me, fear triggers a freeze reaction in me.  I'm not talking about the physical freezing like standing in place when someone jumps out and scares me, but it's in how I react to when I go through stressful situations or times where I feel like I have no control.

It took a trying December month to realize that my mind's primary defense mechanism to fear or uncertainty is to freeze and shut down.  This had always worked in the past with minimal repercussions.  I mean seriously... cutting off my emotions and ignoring the time when a girl I liked in high school made me wait so she could see if a guy she liked was going to ask her out didn't end up hurting anyone else but me.  But the simple act of cocooning the hurt and exiling those emotions and thoughts set a dangerous precedent. 

By consciously burying the problem, I put the control into my own hands.  Sometimes things work themselves out and I pat myself on the back thinking I did well.  Other times those hurts and unresolved things lay buried in the sand.  Rotting.  Until honestly forget that I had buried it there in the first place; that is, until I run across a similar situation and then my fear gets compounded.

I was interested in reading about the whole fight or flight response and this really stood out to me.  In talking about how some animals freeze as a natural instinct,

"The animal, having escaped from the threat, shakes the experience off, and goes on as if nothing ever happened. The human species, however, tends to hold onto the stress. We don’t shake it off and go on. Jonathan Tripodi in The Habit to Freeze explains that we “humans have the ability to remain in a protective state long after the overwhelming event has passed. While the freeze response remains active, relaxation and self-healing are prevented.”  

The longer we remain in this state the easier it is to return to it. Any stimuli we experience similar to the initial event will trigger another relapse. “Eventually the body can no longer adapt and symptoms develop. Common signs of the freeze response are anxiety, chronic muscle tension, pain, poor alignment, grinding of teeth, mood swings, depression, digestive and elimination problems, high blood pressure, fatigue, and low libido.”

Hmmm, last couple weeks let's take a look: anxiety (check!), mood swings (check!), depression (check!), fatigue (double check!), low libido (ummm no?)

Physical ailments aside, I've realized the spiritual toll that takes place when I don't come to terms with these fears.  Subconsciously I felt guilty, which manifested in finding excuses for not spending time with God.  Prayer became a chore, which ultimately got shorter and less energizing.  I got snappy and irritable a lot easier and pretty much let my flesh take control.

What is the ultimate realization?  NOT dealing with things is just as detrimental as trying to take control situations. By brushing aside the circumstance, we circumvent what God is trying to teach us in the name of our own comfort. 

Something our life group is trying to do this break is memorize scripture (gasp!).  A couple of the verses really stood out to me in reorienting my perspective.

"Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
- Joshua 1:9


"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
-Isaiah 40:31

Lots to come

Things to do during Break:

• Catch up on sleep
• Reflect on the year
• Read Book 2 of Hunger Games Series (finished on the flight to MI)
• Catch up w/ people
• Spend time with family
• Organize and archive pictures/ videos from 2011
• Read "Simple Church"
• Memorize 1st 40 verses from the HMCC memory verse collection
• Call/ chat with a member every day.
• Grade the entire stack of schoolwork
• Lesson Plan for next month

 Looking forward to being able to finally pause and think about things.  More substantial posts to come!

Why we eat turkeys

Cuz of videos like these:

Turkey Attack Videos

Turkeys are jerks and deserve to be eaten.

The Friend Zone

*From The Doghouse Diaries

It's been awhile!  This was a comic that came up in my google reader within the past day or two and I thought it was hilarious because it was so true.  I showed the comic to Touf and we both had a good laugh at how it captured the inanity of trying to get a girl to like you by living in the "friend zone".  Even if you know how stupid it is in your brain, you still end up stuck there because you're:
1) too scared to do anything
2) comfortable and want to enjoy the closeness without the responsibility

Either way, someone's gonna end up getting messed up.  Lesson learned too many times.

Goodbye Youth, Hello Mid-Life

You can fight it, you can deny it... but in the end you can't lie to your body.

This past Friday a group of students went to the 6 pack field to play a game of Manhunt. For those unfamiliar with the game, it's pretty much hide-and-seek and tag combined.

Now, I'm not going to brag, but I've always been pretty fast.

As a kid playing soccer, coaches would always put me at striker or forward because I would always be able to chase down long balls ahead of the other defenders. I didn't really need to develop actual skills like dribbling or passing because I could rely on my speed to get by. Likewise with other sports, I could always get by on my above-average athleticism without actually learning or honing skills in those respective sports.

Playing Manhunt confirmed the aging process in my body. I could no longer keep up with the freshmen in a flat out sprint anymore. The only thing I could do was team up with younger teammates and organize the traps we set out for the other team. You always hear about this happening with professional athletes. When they are young and in their prime, they are unpolished and typically able to do well on sheer talent itself. However when they start losing a step, they go into a renewed fervor in relearning and honing the techniques as well as incorporating their experiences to play smarter.

I've finally reached that turning point in my life where I realize I need to play according to my age... diving catches and the like are now, unfortunately, a thing of the past. It's a sad day indeed.

Yay God Moments

OCR has been amazing. This year we really wanted to focus on being able to minister to people versus just inviting them out to our church events. That way even if we talk to fewer people, they'll at least experience something deeper than just a friendly face.

God met, and exceeded my expectations. Personally I've always had a hard time when people tell me that they get led by the Spirit to do things or they get visions, I'm happy for them, but because I've never been able to experience it for myself, part of me is skeptical.

Well, when we went out on campus and we specifically prayed for divine encounters, God did not disappoint. One time in the Union, a couple of us went into the eating area and I saw a guy sitting by himself watching TV. I really felt like I was supposed to talk w/ him so I just went up and struck up a conversation, when I turned around to introduce the other people with me, they weren't there but I kept talking. We ended up having a really deep conversation and he shared how he had been really struggling recently with loneliness and personal guilt. I just felt compelled to pray for him and when I had finished, he had been crying and said that God provided that conversation to encourage him. I was so blown away at how God orchestrated that event.

Another time I was out w/ Dr. Matt and a student and we were just going around asking if people had time to answer a spiritual survey. We came to this guy who initially said he didn't have time to talk, but when we asked he he'd like us to pray for anything, he shared he would love for us to pray for his thesis defense (he was a philosophy phD student). After the prayer, he was so thankful he actually hugged us and invited us to sit down. In my head I was laughing b/c he had told us 3 minutes earlier he was too busy to talk and yet he was opening the door into his life. We ended up having a cool discussion on his thesis... honestly it was way over my head.. it had something to do with how this one philosopher used his conjunctions as mathematical equations to describe our world... it blew my mind. But we were able to share parts of our own testimony and encourage him. Aaron and I ended up leaving after 30 or so minutes to try meeting other students, but Dr. Matt actually helped him w/ his research! haha amazing right?

Even for our events, one thing that we were praying for was continuity among the people who showed up for our events. Done. From our first event, God brought out a good group, and many of them ended up coming to each one and with life groups starting next week, they have signed up for those as well! This is the beginning of the tipping point, I feel it! There's a definitely buzz and excitement, although for sure it is incredibly draining. (It doesn't help that it's over 100 degrees every night)

If you're praying for Austin, know that your prayers are definitely falling on some fertile soil!!

Let it Go

I just got a call from the school I was to interview at tomorrow. They said that both positions that I was to interview for were filled. great.

I feel like I'm getting pushed to my breaking point. I've never cried about not getting a job before and right now I'm crying. The most frustrating thing is I don't even have a chance to show what I can offer to them. If I was able to interview and get rejected, fine, at least I gave it a shot.

Why do I get to go through this every single year? Nothing is ever constant for me. People younger than me are advancing in their career and I'm not even stuck in a rut; you need to be on the path to get stuck. I'm on the outskirts looking in.

This has been a tumultuous past couple months, a lot of things I've been trying to wrestle through and figure out, car troubles and lack of job progress... This is the tipping point where I have no one else to turn to but God.

I know that He will be faithful in the end, but it's so hard to see it right now. This is probably the answer to my prayers for greater dependence on Him huh?

Anyways, this song is really resonating with me right now. Strange, because I first heard it a couple days ago.

Time to stop wallowing in pity and let these things go to the One who can actually do something about it.

This is Why we Play

The beautiful game.

You need to check out that link to a compilation of soccer moments... combined w/ a killer soundtrack, you can feel the rawness of all the emotions the players feel... it's amazing.

After watching it, I couldn't help but relive some of my own personal highlights; and remember how much the low points really sucked. It's pretty crazy how a "game" can draw so much intensity, excitement, love, disappointment, anger, and sadness from you in the span of 60-90 minutes (depending on the sport).

Sports become another identity for me, where my shortcomings and insecurities are tossed aside, and I get to become someone else on that field. On one hand, it is incredibly liberating when I get to run free and perform well against the competition, but it's also scary to see the ugliness that could come out because of the very same competitiveness that brings so much joy.

When you see the faces of the players celebrate, there is nothing else that compares to that sense of elation. You could have been fired from a job and broken up w/ a girlfriend, but scoring the game winning TD... you will be on cloud 9 for hours. There is nothing like it. You feel a calm confidence like Superman in the fact that you can single-handedly destroy the opposition at your choosing, but also an incredible rush of excitement that pulses through your body. It's literally a surge of adrenaline you can feel in your body pushing you to keep going. As you play, everyone else seems to move a little bit slower, you seem to be able to anticipate things faster, and everything just feels right.

I'm not even mentioning if there are rivalries or other elements that might enhance the importance of the game. Those just kick things to a whole new level.

MAN, I want to play!!

Glimmer of Hope!

I got a call this afternoon from a charter school Texas Empowerment Academy asking if I was available for an interview next Thursday @ 8am. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? OF COURSE!

It's funny because any time I get a call from a number I don't recognize, I go through such a rush of different emotions, it's confusing. First it's confusion, quickly followed by a sharp intake of breath as I hope it's from a school, then the chill of pessimism telling myself not to get my hopes up, and the forced calmness as I pick up the phone. So when the voice asked if I was Mr. Lee, I actually sputtered something incoherent. I think I tried to say something like "Yes this is Mr. Lee", but ended up saying "Yes, this is him Mr. Lee." I coughed in order to try covering up the awkwardness and repeated "Yes this is Mr. Lee" afterwards.

So yeahhhh, the woman said there are a couple openings and she's not sure what will be interviewed for, but whatever, I'll take anything.

I just need to get my car situation settled now!!! Yay God!

Vagabonds and bucket lists

It's sad how this blog was the first to get tossed to the curb when I was busy. Even now that I have a bit more free time (ok, a LOT more free time), it's been hard to get the motivation to sit down and really process things. But here's my attempt at getting back on the horse.

So let's see... I went to Denver, CO on July 29th and today is August 8th, so it's been a little more than a week that I've been sleeping around at people's apartments waiting for our apartment to open up (Aug 15th). I'm not gonna lie, although it was fun at first getting to be at people's places, it quickly got old as I felt my body rebelling at having to sleep on hard floors and flat pillows. Even though I typically don't sleep that well on a bed anyways, my back and neck are always stiff for the first couple hours of consciousness.

Most importantly though, there's that very subtle unsettled feeling lurking at the back of your heart when you want to do something (like cook a dinner), until you realize that:
a) you don't have any food at the place
or
b) you don't actually know where any of your cooking utensils are.

It's that feeling that quietly whispers, "You don't have a home, you don't belong here, you're being a parasite!" After a while, you start believing it. Home is the place where you can be completely comfortable. It's where you store your dirty laundry, where you can comfortably drop a deuce and fart, where you can walk around in only your boxers because it's disgustingly hot. As close as you might feel with the person you're living with, you can't ever really be at ease since this you're at their home with a different set of norms than your own.

The first couple days I stay at a place, I'm always hyper aware of how they do things. Do they do dishes immediately after eating or are they more relaxed about it? When they use something, is there a certain place they like to return it to? I keep a mental checklist of preferences and I try to honor it as best as I can. In the situations where the hosts aren't too worried about things (like cleanliness), I try my best to go above and beyond to help them. But learning the unspoken norms are always a stressful time.

But enough about the negatives. I recently came back from a trip w/ old college buddies in Denver, CO. That entire state is gorgeous. The moment we walked outside you can see the Rocky Mountains on the horizon of every direction. Breath-taking for real. While we were there, we signed up to go white water rafting. For those unfamiliar, imagine going into an inflatable raft with 6 other people (and a guide) and trying to steer down a rampaging river filled with sharp turns and jutting rocks. AWESOME! We signed up for class 3-5 rapids (levels go up to 6, which are "so dangerous as to be unnavigable on a reliable basis" wikipedia) and went out and conquered it!

Our guide told us that the water was fed by melted snow from the Rockies, but we could have figured that out the moment the water hit our faces. I finally understand what people mean when they said "bone-chilling"; the coldness sucks your breath away and leaves a numb ache in your bones. Thankfully the afternoon heated up and we were able to warm up in the calmer areas.

I realize that my body is no longer as young as I keep thinking it is... because of that, I feel more of an urgency to take care of all the "dangerous" things on my bucket list. If you want to do any of these, lemme know!!

List of Goals:
- Rock climb on a real mountain (belaying now acceptable)
- sky dive
- surf
- scuba dive
- base jump

I change my mind

Ever since I became aware of Christian music, I never really liked Hillsong. They had a couple songs that I thought were pretty good, but for the most part, I disliked how each song was like 10 minutes long with build ups that took entirely too much time. Also, they kinda had a old school, gospely feel to me which I really wasn't a fan of.

Well, this past month I got forced into attending a Hillsong concert in Austin. To be honest, I actually was kinda adamant about not wanting to "waste $35" to listen to crappy music, but ended up going.

The term "anointed" is the only word that does the group justice when you worship with them. From the first time they step onto stage and throughout, they jive w/ the Holy Spirit in a way that you can't help but meet God. Musically, they are talented beyond measure... amazing singers, amazing musicians. But what really struck me was their intense JOY in worshiping God through music. Everyone was worshiping so freely it was a blessing just to witness it.

One song in particular (out of many) stood out to me for its raw and powerful lyrics.

... and recaka

picture from http://www.naioth.com/

*deep breath out*

Today I got to check out a free Yoga class held at my apartment complex. Not surprisingly it was only girls (although only 2 others and the teacher) so I felt a bit uncomfortable at first. I remember my first experience with Yoga @ the Art Fair the summer before I left for AA. It was really cool doing all these stretches and poses so that made me want to try it again. What we did today was a bit different from what most people envision, this was kinda more like stretch/workout. A couple of the moves I did last year in insanity, except slower and more drawn out. My arms were shaking quite a bit for some of them but it was good to sweat again.

The focus of this style of Yoga was basing everything on merging the breathing (in and out) with each move. It's only been the past week where I feel like I've been able to really catch up and

BREATHE.

I'm not gonna lie, things were CRAZY busy and stressful. I don't want to throw a pity party, but I've never been stretched so much as I had been before. It's only been recently that things have finally slowed down to a point where I feel like I can finally catch my breath.

As some of you might have heard, yup, budget shortages all over TX meant that I, as well as most of the new hires, were let go. They asked me to reapply for job openings (when more money came in) but I couldn't do another year of commuting 40+ minutes to and from work every day. As for now, my plans are to apply for jobs closer to ATX so I can really focus on college ministry on UT campus.

I feel like there's so many things I've come to realize the past couple months, but I don't want this entry to be all over the place so I'll keep it a bit more vague. One thing though, is that God does not give up on us, no matter how we think he might have. There is always a reason behind each event. That's something that we can all hold onto.

Wedding Dress

So I never understood the appeal for that Korean song "Wedding Dress". The fact that everyone goes crazy when they play it on Youtube (girls AND guys) blew my mind. I would always scoff and make mental judgments at how superficial the fans of this song were. Sorry.

I ran across a mix that my sister had made when I was cleaning my desktop, and aside from a lot of questionable songs on the CD, I heard this song play on Track 9. I was confused, because the song sounded familiar, but the singer was singing in English. Apparently a group had made an english version and I have to admit, knowing what the lyrics say, made me actually like the song. I listened to it on repeat driving to work 3x in a row.

For me, that's a lot, because I purposely do my best NOT to kill songs (aka play the song on repeat until you get sick of it).

So consider that a mass apology to any K-Pop fans that I made fun of out loud or in my head. I can at least appreciate this song.

February Condensed

I've been meaning to, and I actually really needed to blog so I could get things off my chest, but as is always the excuse... I've been way too busy. Where to begin though?

I guess I can start with how much I have been loving what God has been doing in our church this semester. Straight up, all the prayers that have been sowed throughout the year have shown fruit thus far. One of our prayers was for our members to gain a greater ownership for our lifegroup (and church), and it has been amazing to see the students really mobilizing and doing things together for a purpose. A couple weeks ago, the students randomly surprised the leaders w/ an amazing care package and poster. Apparently they had spent the past couple weeks of their own accord to plan and put all these things together. Last semester, something like this would NEVER have happened without a leader "suggesting" they do something.

Even the Bible studies have really been empowered with God's presence. Something I realized (and confirmed with conversations) was that I had been trying so hard to make the LG look like all the other groups I'd been in, that I completely froze God out of the picture. This semester, we as leaders have committed to really teaching the basic fundamentals of how our faith is lived out, and the students are really responding. Please continue praying for us, we want to continue the momentum, and even pray for a multiplication of members that will really commit to the church.

Pretty much I can kinda see how parents might feel when their kids are growing and doing well; there's this sense of pride and joy that just emanates from your heart that you can't really explain. God is so faithful, and yet he is so jealous for our dependence on Him that He doesn't mind withholding things to get our full attention.

Work is sick; sick like the bubonic plague, not the good sick. Districts all around TX are going through hiring freezes and budget cuts, including my own. Teacher morale is so low it's ridiculous. Everyone is on edge, especially when administrators pop in to do surprise walkthroughs. Any little issue makes teachers paranoid that this is gonna get put onto their record and be considered for possible termination. I'm not gonna lie, I've been stressed and pretty scared considering where some of my students are in their TAKS (TX state standardized test) preparation.

Celebrating Aaron's Bday

All in all, God is definitely doing something amazing in Austin, and I am so proud to be a part of what He's doing.

Goodbye Justin Bieber

Hello... shorter hair.
No more hair poking into my eyes, no more 20 minute showers.

I can not pull off the look I wanted w/ my hair. =(

Highs and Lows

Something they don't warn you about in teacher ed... the pressure to get kids passing on standardized tests is insane. I'm in a constant state of stress and panic at school, and I think it's affecting my attitude towards the kids. My temper is shorter, I'm more impatient, and overall, I'm definitely a lot more strict on them. (Which may or may not be a good thing)

In the midst of it, God definitely keeps me from going insane by providing moments of levity. So since yesterday, the kids have started begging me to play tag w/ them (not sure why it randomly got started since I never did before). It was non-stop begging, and one of the girls literally grabbed my leg and wouldn't let go. Partly to get them to be quiet, I said OK and played w/ them for a couple minutes before the bell rescued me from showing how out of shape I had become.

When they asked if I would play tomorrow, I realized I finally had leverage on them to behave in class! For the past 2 days, the kids have been working hard. YES!

Today after recess, some of the girls asked me if I was married, and the conversation turned to how old I was. When I asked them what they thought, one responded, "38", another guessed "42", and one even guessed "58"! I had never been so blessed before. Apparently the long hair worked! I no longer looked like I was 18!

My kids are taking the Benchmarks (practice test for the real standardized test in 2 weeks). please pray that they all pass!

Back at One

Desperate Times

There's a million other things I should be doing besides blogging, but I need to release this or I'll explode. Please pray for me this week, I really need it.

I love reading Psalms. The writing is so painfully honest, so soul-searchingly real that it leaves me breathless at the writer's ability to bare himself so openly. When I struggle to find words for my emotions and thoughts, I am able to borrow David's words into my own prayers.

Today I think I finally understand how David felt when he keeps writing about how "evils encompassed me beyond number, my iniquities have overtaken me, and I cannot see; they are more than the hairs of my head; my heart fails me." (Psalms 40:12) Coming back to school today after missing 1 1/2 days due to the flu, I got bombarded by news from fellow teachers and the principals that students in my class had gotten into serious trouble. Without going into detail, most of today was spent in long, serious discussions on how my partner teacher and I had dropped the ball on this and how to rectify the situation. On top of this, the administration has been getting on all the teachers on the lack of progress many of the struggling students are exhibiting. Tomorrow my partner and I will be making our case to the principal and I am pretty scared.

Later today, I find that when I was gone, a couple students had ended up stealing sticker sheets from my desk that I use as rewards, and had to address that issue at the end of the day. By the end of the day to say I was discouraged would be the understatement of the century.

What does God want me to learn through this situation? How do I still glorify Him in the midst of all this crap?

This is where Psalms straight up inspires me. "Burnt offering and sin offering you have not required... I delight to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart... your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me!" (Psalms 40:8/11)

My joy and delight must be in doing the work of the Lord. This comes in remembering my purpose in teaching the kids. This involves teaching them academically, but also how to be better people. Just like how parents must feel like pulling out their hair in disciplining their kids, I must persevere and continue to love my students in their times of failure.

As I remember God's faithfulness and continual presence in my life, that will continue to keep my hope even in this dark time. Thank you God for your timely Word, but more than just being a neat intellectual exercise, I pray that this will be a nugget of truth that takes root in my heart.

Prayer Reqs:
1) A heart that revels in God's presence. Not letting circumstances dictate my faith.
2) HMCC Austin students. Pray that they are anticipating something amazing to happen at the retreat this weekend.
3) My students. They will gain a greater heart for learning and I have wisdom/ patience in working with them.

Love Notes

If you ask people what celebrity I most closely resemble, you'll never hear the "good answers" like Ryan Reynolds, Brad Pitt, or George Clooney. No, I get people like, "The Mac Guy" aka Justin Long, the nerdy character on Simpsons, Milhouse, and even more disgusting, a parrot. Awesome.

At this point, I've come to terms with who I am, and how I look, but it always feels good to be validated; not the meaningless validation that comes from family who always say "Oh, you're so handsomeee" or that you look like person X in your family, because honestly, they HAVE to. No, the best validation comes from complete strangers who feel so strongly about wanting to let you know that they appreciate your attractiveness that they have to let you know.

This has happened to me a couple times while working at CPK (California Pizza Kitchen) where customers left notes with succinct compliments to my appearance and random people giving me various compliments in person. If you don't believe me, I have proof because I kept some of the notes that were written. I realize that most girls find this repulsive when random people comment on their appearance, but I have yet to find a guy who feels that way. A compliment is a compliment.

Anyways, this past week I was in the midst of going through a mountain of grading with Tou Fue when I flipped through one of the worksheets and saw a note at the bottom. On it was drawn "I heart Mr. Lee". (The heart was drawn) "What the?" As a teacher, you get used to the fact that some students will idolize you and whatnot (I mean, honestly, who wouldn't?) but you try not to let it affect the way you teach.

Not actual note

In my head I went through uncomfortableness, disgust, feeling flattered, and ending up with amusement. I love messing with Touf, so I leaned over and showed him the note asking, "Jealous?"

His disgusted reaction was exactly what I was going for, and it made my night.

New Excitements

Well, it's the new year, 2011. Can't say it feels any different. I realize that as I get older, each new year kinda blends into the next... maybe it's the fact that there really isn't anything too different, or it just reminds me I'm getting old. Whatever the case, it's no biggy for me.

During break, I ended up writing a pretty extensive entry explaining all the reasons I actually kinda liked the movie "Valentines Day", but after looking it over, decided against posting it. Just know that my expectation for it (to be an overly cast-hyped pile of crap) was pleasantly exceeded and there were some little nuggets of truthfully goodness to be learned.

School has gotten back into the swing of things again and the first week was like a taste of teaching heaven. I think the kids were really bored at home, because they were focused and excited in all the learning. It just blew my mind. Of course, this week had to roll around and some of the kids went back into old habits so it's been "fun" trying to get them out of it.

Last night I was looking up sources for next week's social studies lesson (I'm gonna tie in the Industrial Revolution with the stirrings of the Civil War) for the kids to investigate, when I found this AWESOME site that compiles sources for different topics. Unfortunately they're upper middle school to high school level, but it's ok, I can modify! I was so pumped it actually surprised me. Back in undergrad, I wouldn't ever imagine getting pumped about educational resources, back then it was all about games, beating people in competitions, and girls. Not necessarily in that order.

It's funny how little things like that show how your job really starts to infiltrate your very being. Even when I come home, I find myself thinking about situations that happened at school, work that needs to be graded, ideas for future lessons, meetings I need to prepare for, so on and so forth.

It happened so subtly I didn't even notice it until last night. I guess that's part of the "working professional stage"; you no longer compartmentalize your life into all these different cubbys but everything kinda merges into one "life". As I become more accustomed to this new lifestyle, my prayer is that everything I do will be motivated by the right Reason.