Yay God Moments

OCR has been amazing. This year we really wanted to focus on being able to minister to people versus just inviting them out to our church events. That way even if we talk to fewer people, they'll at least experience something deeper than just a friendly face.

God met, and exceeded my expectations. Personally I've always had a hard time when people tell me that they get led by the Spirit to do things or they get visions, I'm happy for them, but because I've never been able to experience it for myself, part of me is skeptical.

Well, when we went out on campus and we specifically prayed for divine encounters, God did not disappoint. One time in the Union, a couple of us went into the eating area and I saw a guy sitting by himself watching TV. I really felt like I was supposed to talk w/ him so I just went up and struck up a conversation, when I turned around to introduce the other people with me, they weren't there but I kept talking. We ended up having a really deep conversation and he shared how he had been really struggling recently with loneliness and personal guilt. I just felt compelled to pray for him and when I had finished, he had been crying and said that God provided that conversation to encourage him. I was so blown away at how God orchestrated that event.

Another time I was out w/ Dr. Matt and a student and we were just going around asking if people had time to answer a spiritual survey. We came to this guy who initially said he didn't have time to talk, but when we asked he he'd like us to pray for anything, he shared he would love for us to pray for his thesis defense (he was a philosophy phD student). After the prayer, he was so thankful he actually hugged us and invited us to sit down. In my head I was laughing b/c he had told us 3 minutes earlier he was too busy to talk and yet he was opening the door into his life. We ended up having a cool discussion on his thesis... honestly it was way over my head.. it had something to do with how this one philosopher used his conjunctions as mathematical equations to describe our world... it blew my mind. But we were able to share parts of our own testimony and encourage him. Aaron and I ended up leaving after 30 or so minutes to try meeting other students, but Dr. Matt actually helped him w/ his research! haha amazing right?

Even for our events, one thing that we were praying for was continuity among the people who showed up for our events. Done. From our first event, God brought out a good group, and many of them ended up coming to each one and with life groups starting next week, they have signed up for those as well! This is the beginning of the tipping point, I feel it! There's a definitely buzz and excitement, although for sure it is incredibly draining. (It doesn't help that it's over 100 degrees every night)

If you're praying for Austin, know that your prayers are definitely falling on some fertile soil!!

Let it Go

I just got a call from the school I was to interview at tomorrow. They said that both positions that I was to interview for were filled. great.

I feel like I'm getting pushed to my breaking point. I've never cried about not getting a job before and right now I'm crying. The most frustrating thing is I don't even have a chance to show what I can offer to them. If I was able to interview and get rejected, fine, at least I gave it a shot.

Why do I get to go through this every single year? Nothing is ever constant for me. People younger than me are advancing in their career and I'm not even stuck in a rut; you need to be on the path to get stuck. I'm on the outskirts looking in.

This has been a tumultuous past couple months, a lot of things I've been trying to wrestle through and figure out, car troubles and lack of job progress... This is the tipping point where I have no one else to turn to but God.

I know that He will be faithful in the end, but it's so hard to see it right now. This is probably the answer to my prayers for greater dependence on Him huh?

Anyways, this song is really resonating with me right now. Strange, because I first heard it a couple days ago.

Time to stop wallowing in pity and let these things go to the One who can actually do something about it.

This is Why we Play

The beautiful game.

You need to check out that link to a compilation of soccer moments... combined w/ a killer soundtrack, you can feel the rawness of all the emotions the players feel... it's amazing.

After watching it, I couldn't help but relive some of my own personal highlights; and remember how much the low points really sucked. It's pretty crazy how a "game" can draw so much intensity, excitement, love, disappointment, anger, and sadness from you in the span of 60-90 minutes (depending on the sport).

Sports become another identity for me, where my shortcomings and insecurities are tossed aside, and I get to become someone else on that field. On one hand, it is incredibly liberating when I get to run free and perform well against the competition, but it's also scary to see the ugliness that could come out because of the very same competitiveness that brings so much joy.

When you see the faces of the players celebrate, there is nothing else that compares to that sense of elation. You could have been fired from a job and broken up w/ a girlfriend, but scoring the game winning TD... you will be on cloud 9 for hours. There is nothing like it. You feel a calm confidence like Superman in the fact that you can single-handedly destroy the opposition at your choosing, but also an incredible rush of excitement that pulses through your body. It's literally a surge of adrenaline you can feel in your body pushing you to keep going. As you play, everyone else seems to move a little bit slower, you seem to be able to anticipate things faster, and everything just feels right.

I'm not even mentioning if there are rivalries or other elements that might enhance the importance of the game. Those just kick things to a whole new level.

MAN, I want to play!!

Glimmer of Hope!

I got a call this afternoon from a charter school Texas Empowerment Academy asking if I was available for an interview next Thursday @ 8am. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? OF COURSE!

It's funny because any time I get a call from a number I don't recognize, I go through such a rush of different emotions, it's confusing. First it's confusion, quickly followed by a sharp intake of breath as I hope it's from a school, then the chill of pessimism telling myself not to get my hopes up, and the forced calmness as I pick up the phone. So when the voice asked if I was Mr. Lee, I actually sputtered something incoherent. I think I tried to say something like "Yes this is Mr. Lee", but ended up saying "Yes, this is him Mr. Lee." I coughed in order to try covering up the awkwardness and repeated "Yes this is Mr. Lee" afterwards.

So yeahhhh, the woman said there are a couple openings and she's not sure what will be interviewed for, but whatever, I'll take anything.

I just need to get my car situation settled now!!! Yay God!

Vagabonds and bucket lists

It's sad how this blog was the first to get tossed to the curb when I was busy. Even now that I have a bit more free time (ok, a LOT more free time), it's been hard to get the motivation to sit down and really process things. But here's my attempt at getting back on the horse.

So let's see... I went to Denver, CO on July 29th and today is August 8th, so it's been a little more than a week that I've been sleeping around at people's apartments waiting for our apartment to open up (Aug 15th). I'm not gonna lie, although it was fun at first getting to be at people's places, it quickly got old as I felt my body rebelling at having to sleep on hard floors and flat pillows. Even though I typically don't sleep that well on a bed anyways, my back and neck are always stiff for the first couple hours of consciousness.

Most importantly though, there's that very subtle unsettled feeling lurking at the back of your heart when you want to do something (like cook a dinner), until you realize that:
a) you don't have any food at the place
or
b) you don't actually know where any of your cooking utensils are.

It's that feeling that quietly whispers, "You don't have a home, you don't belong here, you're being a parasite!" After a while, you start believing it. Home is the place where you can be completely comfortable. It's where you store your dirty laundry, where you can comfortably drop a deuce and fart, where you can walk around in only your boxers because it's disgustingly hot. As close as you might feel with the person you're living with, you can't ever really be at ease since this you're at their home with a different set of norms than your own.

The first couple days I stay at a place, I'm always hyper aware of how they do things. Do they do dishes immediately after eating or are they more relaxed about it? When they use something, is there a certain place they like to return it to? I keep a mental checklist of preferences and I try to honor it as best as I can. In the situations where the hosts aren't too worried about things (like cleanliness), I try my best to go above and beyond to help them. But learning the unspoken norms are always a stressful time.

But enough about the negatives. I recently came back from a trip w/ old college buddies in Denver, CO. That entire state is gorgeous. The moment we walked outside you can see the Rocky Mountains on the horizon of every direction. Breath-taking for real. While we were there, we signed up to go white water rafting. For those unfamiliar, imagine going into an inflatable raft with 6 other people (and a guide) and trying to steer down a rampaging river filled with sharp turns and jutting rocks. AWESOME! We signed up for class 3-5 rapids (levels go up to 6, which are "so dangerous as to be unnavigable on a reliable basis" wikipedia) and went out and conquered it!

Our guide told us that the water was fed by melted snow from the Rockies, but we could have figured that out the moment the water hit our faces. I finally understand what people mean when they said "bone-chilling"; the coldness sucks your breath away and leaves a numb ache in your bones. Thankfully the afternoon heated up and we were able to warm up in the calmer areas.

I realize that my body is no longer as young as I keep thinking it is... because of that, I feel more of an urgency to take care of all the "dangerous" things on my bucket list. If you want to do any of these, lemme know!!

List of Goals:
- Rock climb on a real mountain (belaying now acceptable)
- sky dive
- surf
- scuba dive
- base jump