Desperate Times

There's a million other things I should be doing besides blogging, but I need to release this or I'll explode. Please pray for me this week, I really need it.

I love reading Psalms. The writing is so painfully honest, so soul-searchingly real that it leaves me breathless at the writer's ability to bare himself so openly. When I struggle to find words for my emotions and thoughts, I am able to borrow David's words into my own prayers.

Today I think I finally understand how David felt when he keeps writing about how "evils encompassed me beyond number, my iniquities have overtaken me, and I cannot see; they are more than the hairs of my head; my heart fails me." (Psalms 40:12) Coming back to school today after missing 1 1/2 days due to the flu, I got bombarded by news from fellow teachers and the principals that students in my class had gotten into serious trouble. Without going into detail, most of today was spent in long, serious discussions on how my partner teacher and I had dropped the ball on this and how to rectify the situation. On top of this, the administration has been getting on all the teachers on the lack of progress many of the struggling students are exhibiting. Tomorrow my partner and I will be making our case to the principal and I am pretty scared.

Later today, I find that when I was gone, a couple students had ended up stealing sticker sheets from my desk that I use as rewards, and had to address that issue at the end of the day. By the end of the day to say I was discouraged would be the understatement of the century.

What does God want me to learn through this situation? How do I still glorify Him in the midst of all this crap?

This is where Psalms straight up inspires me. "Burnt offering and sin offering you have not required... I delight to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart... your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me!" (Psalms 40:8/11)

My joy and delight must be in doing the work of the Lord. This comes in remembering my purpose in teaching the kids. This involves teaching them academically, but also how to be better people. Just like how parents must feel like pulling out their hair in disciplining their kids, I must persevere and continue to love my students in their times of failure.

As I remember God's faithfulness and continual presence in my life, that will continue to keep my hope even in this dark time. Thank you God for your timely Word, but more than just being a neat intellectual exercise, I pray that this will be a nugget of truth that takes root in my heart.

Prayer Reqs:
1) A heart that revels in God's presence. Not letting circumstances dictate my faith.
2) HMCC Austin students. Pray that they are anticipating something amazing to happen at the retreat this weekend.
3) My students. They will gain a greater heart for learning and I have wisdom/ patience in working with them.

Love Notes

If you ask people what celebrity I most closely resemble, you'll never hear the "good answers" like Ryan Reynolds, Brad Pitt, or George Clooney. No, I get people like, "The Mac Guy" aka Justin Long, the nerdy character on Simpsons, Milhouse, and even more disgusting, a parrot. Awesome.

At this point, I've come to terms with who I am, and how I look, but it always feels good to be validated; not the meaningless validation that comes from family who always say "Oh, you're so handsomeee" or that you look like person X in your family, because honestly, they HAVE to. No, the best validation comes from complete strangers who feel so strongly about wanting to let you know that they appreciate your attractiveness that they have to let you know.

This has happened to me a couple times while working at CPK (California Pizza Kitchen) where customers left notes with succinct compliments to my appearance and random people giving me various compliments in person. If you don't believe me, I have proof because I kept some of the notes that were written. I realize that most girls find this repulsive when random people comment on their appearance, but I have yet to find a guy who feels that way. A compliment is a compliment.

Anyways, this past week I was in the midst of going through a mountain of grading with Tou Fue when I flipped through one of the worksheets and saw a note at the bottom. On it was drawn "I heart Mr. Lee". (The heart was drawn) "What the?" As a teacher, you get used to the fact that some students will idolize you and whatnot (I mean, honestly, who wouldn't?) but you try not to let it affect the way you teach.

Not actual note

In my head I went through uncomfortableness, disgust, feeling flattered, and ending up with amusement. I love messing with Touf, so I leaned over and showed him the note asking, "Jealous?"

His disgusted reaction was exactly what I was going for, and it made my night.

New Excitements

Well, it's the new year, 2011. Can't say it feels any different. I realize that as I get older, each new year kinda blends into the next... maybe it's the fact that there really isn't anything too different, or it just reminds me I'm getting old. Whatever the case, it's no biggy for me.

During break, I ended up writing a pretty extensive entry explaining all the reasons I actually kinda liked the movie "Valentines Day", but after looking it over, decided against posting it. Just know that my expectation for it (to be an overly cast-hyped pile of crap) was pleasantly exceeded and there were some little nuggets of truthfully goodness to be learned.

School has gotten back into the swing of things again and the first week was like a taste of teaching heaven. I think the kids were really bored at home, because they were focused and excited in all the learning. It just blew my mind. Of course, this week had to roll around and some of the kids went back into old habits so it's been "fun" trying to get them out of it.

Last night I was looking up sources for next week's social studies lesson (I'm gonna tie in the Industrial Revolution with the stirrings of the Civil War) for the kids to investigate, when I found this AWESOME site that compiles sources for different topics. Unfortunately they're upper middle school to high school level, but it's ok, I can modify! I was so pumped it actually surprised me. Back in undergrad, I wouldn't ever imagine getting pumped about educational resources, back then it was all about games, beating people in competitions, and girls. Not necessarily in that order.

It's funny how little things like that show how your job really starts to infiltrate your very being. Even when I come home, I find myself thinking about situations that happened at school, work that needs to be graded, ideas for future lessons, meetings I need to prepare for, so on and so forth.

It happened so subtly I didn't even notice it until last night. I guess that's part of the "working professional stage"; you no longer compartmentalize your life into all these different cubbys but everything kinda merges into one "life". As I become more accustomed to this new lifestyle, my prayer is that everything I do will be motivated by the right Reason.