Displaced

After almost 5 days in Austin, I have to say, the adjustment period has been a lot more difficult than I expected. It's kinda like being the "new guy" in a school where you already know people but there's an established routine and set of friendships that you need to get used to. Don't get me wrong, I'm really glad to be here, and I'm excited for what this year has to offer, but I finally understand how lonely it can feel to move to a new place.

Even though I'm surrounded by awesome people, many times I feel alone and aloof. I'll be eating out with friends, but I feel strangely invisible; like I don't quite belong in Austin yet, but I can't go back to AA either. It's almost like I'm a ghost able to observe and hear everything that's happening, but I don't have any real presence in the area... like being caught in a state of transitional limbo. At times I'll be able to forget my sadness when I'm doing things, but when there's downtime to think, I get flooded with all the emotions that I've been repressing. Intellectually, I can reason through and tell myself how stupid I am for holding onto the past, but we are creatures of emotion, and it's been a tough week.

On the job searching front, I am really frustrated and overwhelmed. It seems like there is nothing I'm qualified for and I feel like I just don't know where to look. But that's how it goes, I just need to keep my head down and plow ahead through this time. But please keep me in your prayers, it would be much appreciated.

On the upside, I'm excited for OCR this week. I'll be able to go meet the students of UT as they come back for the new semester! I'll also be meeting up with Pastor Ben this Wed to discuss how this upcoming year's gonna look, so I'm looking forward to that as well. Even this past Sunday's video sermon (and I typically hate video sermons) was a great reminder to stay faithful in my prayers.

Well, as many of you know, I freakin love reading Psalms, and I feel like I can finally relate to this verse.

You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call to you.
Hear my prayer, O LORD;
listen to my cry for mercy.
In the day of my trouble I will
call to you,
for you will answer me.

Psalms 86:5

listening to: David Crowder- Only You