Making Lemonade

It's funny how quickly things change. I've pretty much gone through the entire gamut of emotions, and thanks to spraining my ankle, I can add disappointment to the list.

It actually happened a week ago, but due to lack of internet connection, I have been unable to post any entries recently. Anyhoo, some guys had met up to play some ultimate frisbee, but since a student group was already using the "6 Pack" field, we decided to play in a small enclosed field with a giant flag in the middle. I should have known something bad was going to happen because I specifically noted out loud that there were a lot of holes in the field (as well as a ton of bees... which I hate). Things did not bode well. But whatever, we started playing and I was definitely not on top of my game.

Maybe it was the humidity, or maybe it was a new field, but I was a split second slower in my reactions, and my body just felt really heavy. After playing for thirty minutes or so I was running to intercept a pass when my foot got caught in one of the holes and as I planted to turn, I literally heard a loud crack and I immediately pulled up in pain. At the time, my ankle was feeling a minor discomfort, but it wasn't unbearable, so I waved off everyone and told them that everything was alright: "you guys just keep playing! I'll just watch from here."

They played for another half an hour or so, then Jorgy and I left to meet up with the rest of the church team and prayer walked around campus. Minti and I stayed behind with all the bags and just prayed @ the flagpole (ironically since we both had leg injuries) until everyone came back. I ended up walking to the Union for this Asian American event I heard about (free door prizes and raffles!) and ended up stayin for the 3 hour show. By that time the adrenaline had definitely worn off and as I was walking home, I was sweating from the exertion. Holy crap, I had not felt this amount of pain in a long time.

I'm not a fan of medication, so I told myself to suck it up and just sleep it off. At 6:30am, I woke up cuz Tou Fue asked me to drive him to work but I felt like my leg had gained an extra 15 pounds. When I looked down at it in the light it had swelled to mammoth proportions. I had elephantitis of the freakin foot. So disgusting! Anyways, the pain was so unbearable that I was panting from exertion and I saw stars. Thankfully, Minti was able to drive Touf, and I gave in to drugs, and popped Tylenol and tried sleeping off the day.

The interesting thing that happens to me when I take medication is that I tend to have a lot of lucid dreams (day dreams, if you will). I was just thinking a lot about how things were going so well with the group of guys I've been able to get to know, and how this jacked up ankle really effed all that up. In my mind I went through a mental status check of my life: still had no job, still missed people, still feel a bit disoriented around the city, feel creepy sometimes when people find out how old I am compared to them, and the one positive in my life (sports) was taken away from me.

It was weird, I always read about how Jacob wrestled with God and wouldn't give up until he got blessed, and every time I would think that Jacob was such a whiny and needy guy. Who goes up to God and demands things? But I think I finally realized that at that point in his life, he was at wit's end out of fear of Essau killing him, yet so full of confidence that God's promises would be fulfilled that he just knew that God was going to bless him.

I have no idea how long I spent mulling and thinking that over, but I came to the realization that in a way, I had replaced my dependence on God with my own abilities and strengths. It took this moment of total ownage for me to realize that all that I had could be taken away in an instant. Interestingly enough, even though my life would seem incredibly pathetic, God has really blessed me by revealing a community that really loves. I'm not going to list out all the things people have done for me the past week, but it was an amazing portrayal of compassion for me.

As for now, my ankle has been exponentially getting better, although today was a bit of a setback with a lot of pain, but I am pretty sure that by the beginning of next week, I'll be able to play sports again... hopefully. =)